No

I have an amazingly hard time with boundaries. I tend to drop everything for others even if it means exhausting me, draining me, and even causing me to lose me.

This week, I received Teacher of the Year! I am so honored, and shocked. Majorly shocked. I am going to share my essay tomorrow.. it’s kinda how I rebelled to the question “What lesson are you proud you taught…”

Today, I got asked so many questions by students, parents, coworkers, boyfriend, mom, and so much more. I was exhausted. I wanted to eat my Girl Scout cookies, and watch Parks and Rec.. with no one.

I went to coach my freshman girls, went to the gym for an hour long class, and reappeared to a text saying, “Let me know when you’re free so we can celebrate.”

I said yes initially.. than 20 minutes later I canceled. I said had to say no. I’m too tired, I want to see you, but I need me time. I was shaking, I hate saying no to others. I was scared of his response.. until I got his response.

“Well, check Venmo. Go get yourself Chick Fila. I’ll see you tomorrow. How was class?”

Ugh, I hate saying now, but no to the right people with them accepting it…. is pretty awesome.

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Distracted

Sorry world, crazy two days. I was very distracted with others, and myself.

I got Teacher of the Year.

Rain

I would rather have a rainy day over a sunny day… any day. I told this last year to a student, and to this day he says the same.

Rain means:

  • Perfect watching and quiet morning
  • Perfect coffee weather
  • Perfect reading weather
  • Perfect Netflix weather
  • Perfect cuddle weather
  • Perfect lazy weather
  • Perfect going out to eat weather
  • Perfect card game weather

It’s just perfect to me.

Mountains

My whole life I’ve known I’m a mountain girl, but this year solidified it. One of my favorite quotes,”You can either laugh up the mountain, or cry. Please laugh.” Or do both 🤷🏼‍♀️

Others to me then…

“I didn’t know you were that far gone..”

“Oh my gosh, he did what?!”

“You’re kidding… how could she even.”

“I can’t believe you did that for others, Maddy. That’s a big red flag.”

“Did you even noticed?”

“I’m so glad this happened, this is the Maddy I know..”

“Maddy, how do you stay so positive?”

“You’re confident.. I love it.”

“I look back a year ago and I regret not knowing that wasn’t you.. this is.”

“I’m glad you said it, and he didn’t convince you not to.”

“He/they will never change.. they don’t see the point. The point is. You noticed and you did something you thought you’d regret. You thought it broke you. It did in the best way.”

These are all things I wrote down in my journal from friends and my family… but the best thing said to me this past year wasn’t about me becoming me again, finding strength, moving on, etc. it was with my aunt about mountains that’s summed it all up:

I was sitting on my patio. Lost in thought. My neighbor at the time who was my aunt came over with a tea. She looked at me, hugged me while I cried, and said, ” I now know why you’re a mountain girl. You were given this mountain to climb… yes you cry, you feel anger, but it gives you perspective. It shows you how manipulative he is. How you made the only choice you could to save you, because you’d die trying to save him. You can’t save him. You are a mountain girl, because you climb even when it’s tough. You can look back and see them down below you living their same life. And when you are at the top, you’ll finally be you again.”

We’ll, I made it to the top.

Dear Dad

My Lenten promise is to write a letter a day, and mail it, to someone in my life. Someone I love, admire, have forgiven, maybe haven’t forgiven (but accepted), and someone who helped me grow with positive or negative actions. My goal is to mail it if I see it best fit.

This started yesterday, and the first letter was to my dad. Here’s a spark note version of it..

Dear Dad,

I am writing to tell you, I love you! This last year had been hard for been but I knew I was going to make it threw because you were always by my side. You taught me how to be reasonable, how to lead with example, how leaders eat last, and how loved ones always help each other. You taught me to put other first, and if they care their actions will show. You taught me genuine love, with mom. You taught me how to enjoy loved ones and take breaks ( Hillbilly Sunday ). You taught me to be myself. You are my best friend. You’re my siblings best friend. You make us laugh, and you always make me smile. I love you.

-Maddy Jean

Laugh

Laugh

My roommate is a teacher, and we share stories daily with one another. One thing that is always common with our teacher stories and conversation, is it ends with laughter.

Teaching is so stressful. It makes us love, cry, overwhelmed, happy, sad, understand, excited, and more. In a given day I feel more than one emotion a day, and I have learned in order to deal with these emotions I need to laugh.

Like today, when I’m teaching adding and subtracting with ten frames and one of the pieces comes flying across the room and pelts my head.

Or, when a student looses her tooth within the classroom and convinces everyone that another student ate it.

Or, is reading when the word starts with an “r” and the picture of rain and the student is convinced it’s about the storm that took out all the dinosaurs.

It can be frustrating, but I continue to laugh because I feel like I’d go crazy if I cannot laugh at what’s happening.

What are some things you just have to laugh at in your classroom?

I promise

Last year I discovered that I ruined the best relationship I ever had with someone, it was with myself. I constantly kept breaking promising with myself for someone/a group of people who didn’t appreciate or reciprocate..

I know it’s a Pinterest thing, “don’t break a promise with yourself,” and I was for years. Last year I finally snapped. I was being taken advantage of, and my body was physically rejecting it. I had migraines, insomnia, and knots on my back the size of fist.

When I decided I come first, I literally felt the stress leaving my body. That moment changed my perspective of my own self worth, my relationship with myself, and even my stigma on mental health.

Last year, I promised to never let myself get as low as I was.

I promised to share my experiences with others… if they asked.

I promised to mentally check in with my self, and then fix the problem if possible.

I promised that my classroom is my safe place, and should be for the students and people that enter it.

I promised to teach my students that anger is okay, but acting angry isn’t.

I promised to teach my students the safe outlets for stress.

I promised to teach them how to ask for help in all areas.

I promised to teach them how to calm down and communicate what they need.

I promised to always be there for a student, present or former, to be their shoulder, ear, and support.

I promised these things to myself, and my students because it is something I knew I needed but didn’t know how to get. I didn’t even know I was in a dark hole until I was out of it.

What do you promise your self and your students?

Run

4:37 my alarm fills my room. I sit up, throw my hair into a bun, and put on my tennis shoes. I hop into my car, teeth chattering due to the 7 degree weather outside, and I head to my gym. Time for my daily run.

I’m a huge runner. I have been since I was younger. It just started with me being good at it, and then evolved to my mind needing it. I constantly crave excessive, not only because it makes my body feel good, but because it eases my mind.

When I run, my mind goes free. I wonder to my subconscious, and if I’m lucky I can run long enough to get a runners high. At a young age, I realized running helped me figure out where my priorities are. It helps me discover where, and if, I had anxieties in a situation. It helped me find out what really matters to my current state, and sometimes helps me solve or figure out my next steps or solutions.

My girlfriends often call me the runner.

“Don’t run again Mads.”

It’s not only because I am an avid runner, but because I tend to run from situations if they give me anxiety. So when I notice myself running or withdrawing from a situation… I then physically go run to figure out the why. Why does it scare me? Why is it giving me anxiety? Why am I avoiding it?

So when people say, “why do you workout so much?” I typically reply, “it’s for my mental health” because without running I think my life would be way more chaotic, anxiety filled, and unsure.

My Opinion

I am about to start my opinion writing within my Kindergarten classroom, and it made my think of my own opinion on topics. Here are my random thoughts and opinions about things I am involved with.

It’s my opinion.. that not all dogs know they are dogs.

It is my opinion.. that writing in pen is way more satisfying than writing in pencil.

It is my opinion..that every teacher should observe three classrooms a year within and out of their district for new ideas and management skills.

It is my opinion..that books are way better than movies.

It is my opinion..that you have more than one type of love in your life. I mean loves, as in soulmates.

It is my opinion..that mountains are way better than beaches.

It is my opinion..that people hide the truth to protect themselves from others reactions.

It is my opinion..that everyone needs to see a therapist just like they see a dentist. A check up unless another area needs extra attention.

It is my opinion..that some girls do not understand girl code.

It is my opinion..that kids need to be kids. They need to be given creativity, exploration, and play.

It is my opinion..that kids also need to be motivated to help themselves succeed, but also others.

It is my opinion..that teacher of the year is an amazing award, but should not change your motives for teaching. We do it for the kids, not the title.

It is my opinion..that salty is better than sweet.

It is my opinion..that you need to rebel once in your life in an appropriate manner. More to come on how I did this in the past week.

It is my opinion..that you need to do what is best for yourself, and in a way that lets others know they are valued and appreciated.

 

 

Oh The Places You’ll Go

A year ago from today..

Wow. All I can say is wow. I was in a point of my life where I made a decision, and I regretted it for days, months, and thought I messed up my whole life. Yet, now looking back. I could not be happier. I could not be more proud. I left a situation I thought I was stuck in, I thought was normal. I thought it was happiness.

Today, I am in an incredible place. I am traveling monthly to new amazing places, my carrier is flying, and I am so happy. I mean, it is a typical pinterst motto. ” I am happy because I choose to be,” but I really am. I decided to do this life I am in today, and I was scared, but so happy I did it. I made a terribly hard decision one morning, woke up, said a phrase, and my life changed. I regretted it instantly, due to fear. I hated it. I wanted to quit it. Although, I had friends who saw through it, a dad who voiced it, and saw actions from others that reassured it. I did not see that til months later, but I am happy they were my tough love.

A year ago from today I thought…

  • I’d be married
  • teaching fifth grade
  • I’d be in a house
  • I’d own a dog
  • I’d see Hawaii
  • running and fit, finally.
  • I’d be happy

Today I see..

  • I am happy
  • with an amazing man
  • in an apartment with my best college friend
  • teaching kindergarten (due to an amazing thing)
  • don’t own a dog, but a pet rock a student made me.
  • fit to my own expectations.
  • going to Hawaii next week.
  • loving my job, and convincing others to join the mission of being a teacher.
  • I am happy.