What if…

This morning as I was walking into the gym, struggling to find motivation to workout and write, I thought “what if I just go to school now and get so much done…” I almost turned around right then and there, but I couldn’t. I then thought about the “what if” I don’t workout, man will I be cranky. I am terrible at thinking about the what ifs, I can barely pick out a pillow without thinking, “What if I got the other pillow?”

Life is full of little what if moments, I tend to think about them a lot. Last night, I went to my old school to talk to my old coworkers and see one of my students that has been causing chaos at school. My first thought, was what if I didn’t go and see them, would they care? Would it help him if I didn’t go? Turns out it was just what he needed, and my old coworkers were the pick up I needed to complete the year!

What if I applied to a new districts this year… well, I wouldn’t see my coworker and one of my good friends work his magic as our new assistant principle next year. What if I do it next year..

What if I didn’t break up with my first boyfriend, I’d probably be engaged and miserable. Oh god, what if I was getting married right now?! That’d be fun, but I’m saving the little money I have for Europe. Maybe in a year or five…

What if I didn’t write my struggling student that note of encouragement, every morning?! I’m not sure I want to think of that what if.

What if I didn’t meet Danny that night on the window sill… my life wouldn’t be as full of laughter and love, that’s for sure.

My life is full of what ifs, I’m not sure what would happen if I did some things differently, but I know I would have some amazing people in my life I did, or would I? What if..?

Busy May Days

May is a big month for me, my family, and friends! I’m doing a twist on currently and making it a mix of currently excited for, thinking, looking forward to, and doing that all will happen in May!

Currently excited for…

  • SUMMER! Also extremely sad about school ending, I’ll miss these kids.
  • Moving into my new house in 24 days!!
  • Going to the lake in two weeks for one of Danny and Is best friend, Abby!
  • Looking forward to Danny’s birthday! Lots of surprise for the big 25!

Currently thinking…

  • how is are my students going to transition into middle school. Will they love it? Will they miss me? Will one of my students make it?
  • how am I going to tell all my relatives that I am only keeping some of the furniture they gave me.
  • what will my first 5k experience look like this weekend with Girls on the Run! I heard its craziness.
  • why Danny always has to ask permission to do things like hang out with friends, but then I remind myself of his past.
  • How amazing my sister is, yesterday was her birthday!

Currently doing…

  • riding the bike at the gym doing an old Slu workout, regret doing it!
  • making my shopping list for my summer job of teaching Novel Engineering!
  • pinning couch ideas for the new living room.
  • texting my sister pictures from her Birthday party so she can Instagram them!

That could of been bad…

Currently, within the city I live in, there is massive flooding taking place. Schools, bridges, businesses, roads, and so much more are under water. All the houses at my boyfriends hunting property were swept away. Then on top of that, road closures are causing everyone to take alternate routes or wait in traffic for countless hours.  It is very devastating and stressful for those communities being affected. Flooding like this has happened before, but they said this year it’ll be worse. We are just sitting ducks and have to let Mother Nature take her toll. Like my friend always says, “Respect the river because it does what it wants and doesn’t care who you are.”

This morning, I wake up to the sound of opera and the smell of breakfast. Mind you, not coming from my apartment. It was 5:17 and my neighbor was blaring her music prepping for the day. Dazed and confused, I lay there hoping the noise would go away and that the breakfast would magically appear on my night stand. Shockingly, neither happened.

It’s 5:34. I have yet to fall back asleep and my boyfriend text me, “Good morning!” I debate texting back what was on my mind, “Yeah right, she’s blaring her music again, traffics going to be terrible, and I’m still sleepy!” Knowing my boyfriend who is always positive and can find the light in any moment I decide to wait to hit send.

I then decided I can wait for my 6:07 alarm to go off or I can wake up and be productive. My coworkers were all discussing last night how bad traffic was going to be and how they’d have to leave early. So I decide to get dressed in some workout clothes, pack my lunch, and head to the local gym right by my school. As I’m driving listening to music, I subconsciously forgot about the flooding taking place within my city. There is only a couple cars on the road with me so I don’t even think about traffic.

While at the gym, my phone dings, it’s my coworker. She’s already asking me to cover her class this am because her town is basically and island with only one road out! Another ding, same thing. Another ding, this time it’s Facebook, two coworkers called in. Turns out, majority of my coworkers live in areas that are being greatly affected. Two coworkers aren’t even staying at theirs houses. Talk about stressful.

Another ding, this time it is my boyfriend. He tells me how a local road is experiencing terrible traffic- the road I usually hop on for work. Thank goodness, I’m at the gym and can take alternate routes.

I think back to how everything happens for a reason. My previous annoying and frustrating neighbor making a delicious breakfast that wasn’t for me is now a blessing and a hidden alarm clock. The random thought to go to the gym before school, which I use to do then fell out of habit with, is now mentally prepping me for another exhausting May school day. I can get to school early, enjoy my coffee, help my coworkers prep for their days, and ignore the stresses of traffic that make everything more frustrating and annoying. So yes, this morning started off on a bad foot and could of been a sign for how my day would go, but it didn’t. Now all I can say is, “that could of been bad…”

Oh My…

‘Twas the day before state testing… and let me tell you I was nothing like I thought it would be.

My class had been in panic mode lately. They have all had some traumatic things happening within their neighborhoods, going through a lot at home, and the state test wasn’t helping with their stress levels. It had gotten pretty bad-two best friends had turned on each other at recess and that ended in a fistfight. It was chaos across the board.

The class felt like it was falling apart all because of a test that doesn’t even effect them personally at the moment. I wanted them to know that no matter what I still believed in them, so I started doing what I do for my friends- I started writing them notes of encouragement, inside jokes, and helpful pointers. The whole purpose was to make my students smile, calm down, and know that we’re still a team and nothing can stop that. I skipped my lunch and started writing away. Personally, it started making me calmer and happier too!

At the end of the day I passed out the envelopes one by one.

“What is it Miss Bush?”

“Is it for my mom?”

“Do we need to get it signed?”

I stayed quiet and kept stating, “Just open it!”

Slowly smiles were showing up on faces, high fives were being exchanged, singing was taking place, and laughter filled the room. We ended with our class meeting. The best friends were sitting by each other. I smiled and told them the basics of state testing: eat your breakfast, go to bed early, bring a healthy snack, and that I will always believe in them. That they were still making me proud… no matter what. You could feel the tension leaving the room and joy creeping back in. I sent them home knowing that no matter what happened they would always make me smile, nothing could change that.

I have seen them problem solve with novel engineering, work in collaborative groups with STEM, build each other up, teach one another, stand up to the bully, get themselves help within school and at home, be brave, strong, and courageous kids who now know how to fail forward. They teach me often.

State test don’t always show that. They can’t measure a students growth mindset. It doesn’t measure the growth of the most challenging student finally learning to use kind words. It doesn’t show their lifestyle problem solving skills, or their community benefiting skill projects, or their insightful genius hour skills. It doesn’t show the growth of the student who finally gain confidence to speak up, and now the whole room stops and listen. It doesn’t show all of their It was hard to see my most insightful student not be able to put his full knowledge into of a topic.

My job won’t be done when the testings over. It will continue on…growing and changing with my students needs-and that’s why I’m a teacher. Learning a curriculum is only part of it, fostering a life long learner is all of it.

Oh things, thank you!

Thank you is something most of us say often. We say thank you to our coworkers, our students, our principals, our parents, our family, our friends, our doctors, our dogs, etc.

But… when do we say thank you to the things that don’t understand us? Yes, this is a bit odd, weird, strange, and even creepy, but my man, Jimmy Fallon, inspired me to do this. He has the best skits and one is the thank you cards. I know that I cannot come close to Jimmy, but he inspired me to be creative and think outside the box, so enjoy.

Thank you to coffee for making me and those who encounter me in the morning happier, you do more than you’ll ever know.

Thank you to the coffee pot in my classroom. You smell up our room, but everyone who walks in it enjoys it. You gives us a much need energy boost.

Thank you food-I cannot thank you enough. You cure my hangry personality that happens daily, yes daily. My friends know me for my famous quote, “Let’s all acknowledge and understand my hangriness.” I’m not me when I’m hungry… I’m more of a Tasmanian devil. My coworkers know if I ever get negative at work to feed me, my boyfriend knows the tricks of the trade, and my family is always eating. Hangriness runs in our family is all I will say…

Thank you crockpot, you make my cooking taste 12 times better, and I never give you enough credit!

Thank you Danny’s iPad. You’ve provided me with useless hours of Netflix and Pinterest. I never understood why you are so small, but you fit perfectly in my abnormally small hands.

Thank you books, for letting me get lost in you for countless hours. You take away my pain, bring me happiness, add to my creatively, spark ideas, find characters that relate to me, and open my eyes to so many lessons. Thanks for providing me with a vacation I can hold in my hands.

Thank you target dollar spot, you’re a toxic relationship, but you provide me with all the necessities to make most of my Pinterest dreams come true. I’m also slightly mad at you for the amount I spend on you on a regular occurrence, it’s rather annoying. Love-hate relationship we have going here.

Thank you to my curly hair…even though most days I hate you, you always make it easy to get ready. Yes, you are hard to control and make people think I am seventeen, but you are always loyal and always curly. Danny calls you “Maddy Hairs” because you end up everywhere, but I always support you and tell him that he should be thankful because it is just us saying hi and that we love him.

Thank you winking emoji for allowing me to do a facial expression I am unable to perform without someone thinking I am having a bad reaction to something.

This was just a fun reflection that mirrored my hyper mood. Hope you enjoyed, I sure did, even though it was rather silly.

Remember Me

The other day our D.A.R.E officer asked my class a question. It was a deep, out of the blue, hit you in the heart type of question. It let my class, and myself, silent. She asked, “How do you want to be remembered?”

You could sense all of our minds churning and thinking- How do I want to be remembered? Who will remember me? Positive or Negative. Who am I to the outside eye? How would my family, friends, or enemies remember me, do I have enemies?

I sat back and let that question soak in. In my mind I want to be remembered for being honest, equal, understanding, loving, and passionate. I want to be remembered for always being open to others thoughts or opinions. I want to leave a lasting positive impression on one’s mind when they hear my name, but that is what I want. That is not their perspective.

I then reflected on why I would deserve to be remembered for that. I mail letters to friends, family, and students monthly with supportive words of encouragement, gift cards, and reasons why I love them.that makes me loving and understanding, right? Others see that , right? That is my outlook and reflection of my actions, but that is only my perspective.

I call my friends, I go to siblings sporting events and tell them why I am proud of them. I actively try to compliment others, and reach out and tell my coworkers and students praise. I want them all to know that I believe in them- that makes me loving and kind, right? Or do others see that as annoying and bothersome?

I eat lunch with my students, ask about their family, get them supplies, reach out to them, hug them, get to know them. I am getting my Masters to better my profession and teaching for my students and self. I go in early. I do Girls on the Run, I help with Character Council, I go into school each day with a clean slate and open mind, for the most part-that makes me passionate and understanding, right? Or does that make me a workaholic?

I let others take their anger out on me, even if it kills me inside. That makes me understanding, right? Or does that make me a push over, and next time I should stand up for my friends, boyfriend, and myself, right?

When it comes to how they treat my family and friends though, that is a different story. When something similar happened to my best friend, I used well worded phrases and words to get my point across. When my sister was being made fun of for her looks, those kids heard my mind. When I saw a bully at recess in fourth grade, it got me sent to the principal’s office, but I couldn’t stand by and watch that happen. This all makes me protective and loving, right? Or does this make me too involved in others problems?

I put my heart into everything I do. My dad calls me ‘Texas’ because if I am really passionate about something, I won’t back down. He often says to others, “You’re about to fight Texas, you’re going to lose!” Positively or negatively, I don’t back down- that makes me passionate right? But if I let it get to me- sometimes that makes me too honest and too passionate, right?

I take home my students worries with me, I try and solve all problems myself- my students, my friends, my families, my own. If someone needs help, I won’t quit until we get it down. I put their burden on my shoulders, won’t quit, and am hard on myself if I can’t solve it. II put others in front of me and sometimes I let it mentally exhaust me- that makes me passionate and understanding, right? Or does that make me overbearing and suffocating?

How I will be remembered is through the perspective of others eyes. I am not in control of how others interpret my personality and actions, but I can try my best to help their interpretations be a positive one. I won’t be a positive name to all, but I can be a positive name to most. I can continue bettering myself, while building up those around me. I want to be remembered for being that person who is always positive, understanding, open, loving, equal, and passionate, but that is not up to me, it is up to them.

I tell my students daily, “People won’t remember what you said or did to them in years to come, but they will remember how you made them feel.” I hear my kids quote it in papers, to others, and a kid even said it as his response to our officer, but how are we remembered by others. Is it negative or positive? How do we help shape others perspectives? By our actions and words, and by their own outlook on us.

How do you want to be remembered?

New Blog, Same Me

I am starting a new blog on this site, but don’t let this fool you! Here is my old blog. I did this to keep it all organized, clear, follow other blogs, and download the app! So yes it is a new blog, but its still the same me!